1. Avoid freeways.
Yes, really! Avoid the hassle of bumper-to-bumper traffic and find an alternate route on surface streets if you can. It may not always save time, but it might save your sanity.
2. Stay relaxed.
Now that you've committed to surface streets, remember to stay calm as you make it through each intersection. A few lights might not go your way, but that's a small price to pay for avoiding the headaches on the freeway.
3. This guy sees it's green, right?
I can't tell if he's waiting for the intersection to clear, but this light is definitely green. Maybe there's someone in the crosswalk? I can't see if he's even looked up yet.
4. Yea, there's no one in the crosswalk.
Crosswalk is clear. The light has been green for at least 20 seconds and this slap-dick is still glued to his phone.
5. It ain't getting any greener.
This light only comes in one shade of green - and it's the same green as every other fucking traffic light this guy has ever seen. Of course, the first guy in line at the light doesn't know his ass from his elbow.
6. I should text my boss.
He's already on my case for taking off early last Friday. And now I won't be in until after 9, which I'm sure will go over like a fart in church.
7. And now the freeway is flying.
Great. Just fan-fucking-tastic.
8. Of course he decides to go once it's yellow.
How about a hand for our friend here! Bravo, buddy. It's your world pal, we're all just living in it.