There’s no such thing as a free lunch – or on this case, free candy. A new review from the Journal of Occupational Research determined that the free candy at your talkative coworker’s desk is not even remotely worth it.
The candy bowl was reportedly set up by your payroll admin who's best known for his impressive lack of self-awareness, likely in an attempt to tell another story about his nephew who plays college basketball.
“It’s not even a good school, it’s like The University of Mary or some shit,” the journal reports. “Once he gets going, we couldn’t tell if he even stopped to take a breath,” the report adds. “He’s a nice guy and all, but you honestly won’t have the energy for him today”.
Researchers from the journal reportedly took the extra time to find the vending machines and avoid his desk entirely. "I know $2 for a candy bar is robbery, but just grab something from the machine - you'll thank us later". The review concluded, “Even if that bowl is filled with $10 dollar bills, we’re not sure that's enough for another mindless rant about that Thai place that just opened downtown”.