The new year is the perfect time to evaluate your career and start fresh. You can make this the year you kick yourself into high gear and finally break your cycle of… look, we all heard you do this song and dance last year. Any significant change would require an effort that we’ve never seen you exert, and the date on the calendar is going to change that.
Anyways, you probably can’t wait to show off your half-assed commitment to making changes this year. Here are 4 transparent ways to reinvent yourself for 2018.
1. Update Your Email Signature
A new font, an overpriced headshot, maybe some Forbes quote about success - I guess this killed about, what, 30 minutes? Nah, it looks good though.
2. Transform Your Workspace
You’re doing the exact same job you’ve been doing for the last 5 years, but now with hanging plants, apparently. We’ve already started a betting pool for which one dies first.
3. Buy a Fancy Espresso Machine
Oh wow, check out Mr. Cultured, with his little Williams-Sonoma cups. Like everyone is going to think you’re European now – you’re from Tempe.
4. Apply for More Jobs You're Not Qualified For
Don’t worry about adding any actual skills, just keep rewording that resume of yours. You’ll be out of here in no time!